Why I want to marry a Gold Digger

I have become renowned for being Single unfortunately. Most of my peers have been married for years and have several children. In 5 years I will be the same age as my grand mother when she first achieved that title. As you can imagine from friends and family a like I am constantly getting grilled and lectured over my solitary status. I have countless scouts that out of love and concern, diligently look underneath every rock and tree for a help mate to get me hitched to. Every time I speak somewhere in my introduction the host makes sure to comment, “By the way Ladies he is Single!!!” Followed by the token pity howls, given by those that were let in the room for free. I used to like it in fact. I used to imagine myself as some dangerously handsome tycoon in “Time” magazine as one of the worlds most eligible bachelors. I had a bit of a swagger because of it, a smirk on my face and a pep in my step. Then I turned 30. As I tend to do, I did a little soul searching and realized that I was lonely. A quote from David O McKay kept haunting me. “No success can compensate for failure in the home.” I was a different type of homeless, one with just as few legitimate excuses as the other type bumming for change at a freeway off ramp. Around then I realized it was time to adjust my priorities and date with marriage in mind. Not to ask some one on a date because I planned on marrying them, but to date someone to look for the possibility of marriage with them. This type of dating to me is like a very long job interview and can be exponentially more mentally taxing. Desperately trying to find out if my date has an axe murderer penned up inside of her and knowing she is wondering the same thing about me. That’s usually when I think myself into a panic and start acting weird in consequence to trying so hard to act normal.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-UyfUTacziI


In the midst of all of this however I have learned a lot about what matters most to me in finding a wife. There are many qualities of course that are an absolute must. Spirituality, mutual physical attraction, the ability to communicate effectively, wants children, etc. but there is one thing that I have come to appreciate as much or more than all the others. I don’t know how to label this quality except to say that it is the quality to appreciate the qualities in me.

There are a lot of things us quirky humans find endearing, that everyone else could care less about. The way we mispronounce a word, how we slurp our soup or snort when we laugh. Those types of things I feel are important. However it is not what causes love, it’s a by product of love.

People fall in love for too many reasons to count. Usually it is a combination of reasons. But I want someone to fall in love with me because I am a man of ability and achievement. Not because I have a lot of friends (not saying I do) but for the reason people want to befriend me, not because I have tons of money (not saying I do) but because I have the ability to earn a ton of money. Not because of my accomplishments but because I am a man of accomplishment. In fact I wouldn’t want to marry anyone if they loved me and these were not at least some of the reasons why.



There is a phrase with a stigma attached I find interesting, “Gold Digger”. Now I obviously don’t like the stereotypical Gold digger. The phrase “Gold Digger” has come to mean in our society a man or a woman who marries for money, usually as an easy road to material gain with out any effort or productivity of their own. To reap what you have not sown is no better than a thief, mooch or a looter. However I couldn’t think of a better phrase to describe what I desire in an Eternal Companion. I want someone to love me for the Gold that is with in me and is willing to dig with me to extract it. I heard someone once say, “Speak to the king within the man and within the man the king will appear.”

Now obviously for this to work whether we are married or single we need to work hard every day to make the most of ourselves. It means that I must strive to spend my time laboring to be worthy of such a women. Not only to be a man of ability but to the have the ability to see the women of ability. I believe like attracts like which means we tend to gravitate to those like us. Like a tuning fork will resonate with keys, chords and crystals of the same pitch, the proper person will resonate with who you are. So if this all true, if what we want is the very best shouldn’t we try to be the very best? In fact isn’t that the only way we can possibly accomplish that.

I think all of us myself included spend much more time trying to find the right one, when we should be trying to become the right one. If you desire someone that is physically fit, the best way to accomplish that is to be physically fit yourself. If you want someone to be spiritually sound, the good news is there are plenty of them out there. However because they are spiritually sound they are only looking for people who are spiritually sound. A good exercise to do is to take those lists we used to make in our adolescence of what we wanted in a spouse and up date them and then rate our selves 1-10 on how we are doing in those categories ourselves. It is an eye opener. I realized the reason I wasn’t married wasn’t because the type of person I was looking for doesn’t exist but that the type of person I wanted wouldn’t be interested in me.

Doing this has given me more purpose in my personal development. It has given me a stronger “why” for the things I do every day. It has also helped me to weigh in opportunity cost on the decisions I make and how it affects the person I am and the people I attract. It really has in my biased opinion made me a better person. Or in other words has increased the Gold mine inside of me.

For those already married similar rules I think would apply. I have noticed that some remain frustrated at their spouse for various character flaws that they have. What they usually don’t understand is those same character flaws are in them too. In fact that is usually at least partially what attracted them to each other. If we want things to change in our relationship, we can not do it by taking a way the agency of another. We can only change things by changing ourselves. As Jim Rohn says, “for things to change, you have to change.” It is the “if it is to be it’s up to me” philosophy. Only by working on ourselves can we guarantee results, because then if nothing else we have bettered all our relationships because we bring a better us to the table. Then by so doing we liberate others to do the same, we provide an example to others to follow suit. Then together progression becomes easier and happens and a higher rate.

This life is a beautiful life. A life that is all the more beautiful when we find someone of like mind, heart and spirit to share it with. Genesis is right, “It is not good that man, (or woman) should be alone.” Certainly the synergy, that comes from a marriage of two equally yoked people yields limitless potential. I was asked to give a Eulogy a few years ago. I went to interview the wife of the man I was eulogizing at his bed side hours before he passed away. She told me plenty of stories and facts about his life but one thing she said in passing stuck out to me the most. She said “We ran a great race”. How fortunate to be able to say that. To run hand in hand to create a better world, to extract and have extracted the best that is with in us that can only be accessed by the companionship of someone. Someone, who sees the very best in you.
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