Sunday, May 18, 2008

Why I want to marry a Gold Digger

I have become renowned for being Single unfortunately. Most of my peers have been married for years and have several children. In 5 years I will be the same age as my grand mother when she first achieved that title. As you can imagine from friends and family a like I am constantly getting grilled and lectured over my solitary status. I have countless scouts that out of love and concern, diligently look underneath every rock and tree for a help mate to get me hitched to. Every time I speak somewhere in my introduction the host makes sure to comment, “By the way Ladies he is Single!!!” Followed by the token pity howls, given by those that were let in the room for free. I used to like it in fact. I used to imagine myself as some dangerously handsome tycoon in “Time” magazine as one of the worlds most eligible bachelors. I had a bit of a swagger because of it, a smirk on my face and a pep in my step. Then I turned 30. As I tend to do, I did a little soul searching and realized that I was lonely. A quote from David O McKay kept haunting me. “No success can compensate for failure in the home.” I was a different type of homeless, one with just as few legitimate excuses as the other type bumming for change at a freeway off ramp. Around then I realized it was time to adjust my priorities and date with marriage in mind. Not to ask some one on a date because I planned on marrying them, but to date someone to look for the possibility of marriage with them. This type of dating to me is like a very long job interview and can be exponentially more mentally taxing. Desperately trying to find out if my date has an axe murderer penned up inside of her and knowing she is wondering the same thing about me. That’s usually when I think myself into a panic and start acting weird in consequence to trying so hard to act normal.

In the midst of all of this however I have learned a lot about what matters most to me in finding a wife. There are many qualities of course that are an absolute must. Spirituality, mutual physical attraction, the ability to communicate effectively, wants children, etc. but there is one thing that I have come to appreciate as much or more than all the others. I don’t know how to label this quality except to say that it is the quality to appreciate the qualities in me.

There are a lot of things us quirky humans find endearing, that everyone else could care less about. The way we mispronounce a word, how we slurp our soup or snort when we laugh. Those types of things I feel are important. However it is not what causes love, it’s a by product of love.

People fall in love for too many reasons to count. Usually it is a combination of reasons. But I want someone to fall in love with me because I am a man of ability and achievement. Not because I have a lot of friends (not saying I do) but for the reason people want to befriend me, not because I have tons of money (not saying I do) but because I have the ability to earn a ton of money. Not because of my accomplishments but because I am a man of accomplishment. In fact I wouldn’t want to marry anyone if they loved me and these were not at least some of the reasons why.

There is a phrase with a stigma attached I find interesting, “Gold Digger”. Now I obviously don’t like the stereotypical Gold digger. The phrase “Gold Digger” has come to mean in our society a man or a woman who marries for money, usually as an easy road to material gain with out any effort or productivity of their own. To reap what you have not sown is no better than a thief, mooch or a looter. However I couldn’t think of a better phrase to describe what I desire in an Eternal Companion. I want someone to love me for the Gold that is with in me and is willing to dig with me to extract it. I heard someone once say, “Speak to the king within the man and within the man the king will appear.”

Now obviously for this to work whether we are married or single we need to work hard every day to make the most of ourselves. It means that I must strive to spend my time laboring to be worthy of such a women. Not only to be a man of ability but to the have the ability to see the women of ability. I believe like attracts like which means we tend to gravitate to those like us. Like a tuning fork will resonate with keys, chords and crystals of the same pitch, the proper person will resonate with who you are. So if this all true, if what we want is the very best shouldn’t we try to be the very best? In fact isn’t that the only way we can possibly accomplish that.

I think all of us myself included spend much more time trying to find the right one, when we should be trying to become the right one. If you desire someone that is physically fit, the best way to accomplish that is to be physically fit yourself. If you want someone to be spiritually sound, the good news is there are plenty of them out there. However because they are spiritually sound they are only looking for people who are spiritually sound. A good exercise to do is to take those lists we used to make in our adolescence of what we wanted in a spouse and up date them and then rate our selves 1-10 on how we are doing in those categories ourselves. It is an eye opener. I realized the reason I wasn’t married wasn’t because the type of person I was looking for doesn’t exist but that the type of person I wanted wouldn’t be interested in me.

Doing this has given me more purpose in my personal development. It has given me a stronger “why” for the things I do every day. It has also helped me to weigh in opportunity cost on the decisions I make and how it affects the person I am and the people I attract. It really has in my biased opinion made me a better person. Or in other words has increased the Gold mine inside of me.

For those already married similar rules I think would apply. I have noticed that some remain frustrated at their spouse for various character flaws that they have. What they usually don’t understand is those same character flaws are in them too. In fact that is usually at least partially what attracted them to each other. If we want things to change in our relationship, we can not do it by taking a way the agency of another. We can only change things by changing ourselves. As Jim Rohn says, “for things to change, you have to change.” It is the “if it is to be it’s up to me” philosophy. Only by working on ourselves can we guarantee results, because then if nothing else we have bettered all our relationships because we bring a better us to the table. Then by so doing we liberate others to do the same, we provide an example to others to follow suit. Then together progression becomes easier and happens and a higher rate.

This life is a beautiful life. A life that is all the more beautiful when we find someone of like mind, heart and spirit to share it with. Genesis is right, “It is not good that man, (or woman) should be alone.” Certainly the synergy, that comes from a marriage of two equally yoked people yields limitless potential. I was asked to give a Eulogy a few years ago. I went to interview the wife of the man I was eulogizing at his bed side hours before he passed away. She told me plenty of stories and facts about his life but one thing she said in passing stuck out to me the most. She said “We ran a great race”. How fortunate to be able to say that. To run hand in hand to create a better world, to extract and have extracted the best that is with in us that can only be accessed by the companionship of someone. Someone, who sees the very best in you.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Stepping Stones and Stumbling Blocks

Last week I had a very special experience. If I ever had any doubt in the law of attraction made famous by the Secret, it was gone after last week. A friend and I went to visit a mutual friend of ours that had recently got married and had moved into a near by apartment complex. Shortly after we arrived we agreed that such a beautiful day shouldn’t be wasted and decided to go down to the complex pool. As I walked in I saw a man relaxing in the pool. As I got closer I realized that this man although normal in every other way, had no arms and no legs. I hate to admit it but I stared a little, not because I saw him as a spectacle but more because I couldn’t believe that I saw him correctly. I also noticed the man seemed content. There was no bitterness, pain, or any look of being worn out by what life had dealt him in his face. In fact he had a subtle smile as he lay in the sun. As I began to apply the necessary sun block, I thought to my self. “I wonder if this is because of an accident, or if he was born this way?” The next thought I had was, “If this guy knew what he was capable of doing and who he was capable of touching with his story, he could do the world an impact full service.”

For the next 15 minutes my friends and I were talking about business things and how much money we had lost or gained in the stock market. Then this man piped up and started talking about Stock trading, before long him and I just got into a detailed conversation about his circumstances. Come to find out this young man was Nick Vujicic. Nick is a native Australian who for no rhyme or reason was born limbless. Now 25 years old has become a motivational speaker and has spoken all around the world to more than 2 million people. He has spoken at the Crystal Cathedral, been on 20/20 and is scheduled to be on Oprah later this year. He told me about his struggles, heart break and many of his triumphs. We spoke about our mutual passion for motivational speaking and our goals to make the world a better place. When I finally left I grabbed his phone number and email, and he said “Give me a hug, I don’t like hand shakes” as you could imagine I was happy to do so and knelt down and gave him a hug. When I got home I looked him up on and watched countless videos in various languages. I watched a video in Spanish where he demonstrates himself swimming, putting on a shirt, making and eating an omelet brushing his teeth, walking his dog, answering and talking on his cell phone and typing on his computer more than 40 words a minute. All with out limbs and with out any assistance from any one. It will come to no surprise to you that the book Nick is writing is titled, “No limbs, No Limits”. I can not tell you how grateful I am that Nick and I both visiting from somewhere else per chance met at a random apartment complex pool to discuss our shared craft of speaking and philosophize on the great potential of a human being.

It is humbling to here this man speak of his gratitude for the type of life God had granted him. To be grateful for a life with no arms or legs and to share his thoughts of abundant living with the world is very telling of the type of man he is. It makes me wonder, what is the rest of our excuse? It is hard to her someone’s sob story of why they didn’t have any opportunity to make it in this life when you know there are people like Nick thriving. Talking to him made me realize how wealthy all of us really are. How much we have been given free of charge from our Beautiful God is very apparent if we only choose to look for it. We have all often heard complaints of people being with out money and inconsequence live unfortunate lives. Lives they feel that all problems would be solved with money. To that cadence I would ask, how much then would you sell your arms and legs for? Would a million, billion or trillion make you even think twice? Is there any amount of money that you would take for them? If not then, you must admit you have been given plenty compared to Nick Vujicic. However with what he has been given, look what he has done with it.

The difference between a Stumbling Block and Stepping Stone is the Character of the individual walking the path. To me this is a lesson learned that any of us no matter what lot we have been given in life, can, like the Phoenix rise from out of the ash and accomplish absolutely anything that we choose to. All that is required is that we acknowledge what we have and the source of where it comes. Once we have done that our own limbs become unbound and we become free to do and have anything. True is the title of Nick’s book, but the “No limits” part applies to all of us. It’s obvious that what is important to Nick’s success in life has nothing to do with arms and legs but has everything to do with the mastery of Nick’s mind. And so it is with all of us. Since we can not put a price tag on our arms and legs, let’s take it a step further. What kind of price tag do you think Nick puts on his positive attitude, his vision for a better world, his belief in himself? I did not ask him those questions but I already know his answer and in my opinion he values those things a lot more than most of us value our arms and legs.

So next time you think of yourself in a bad spot with less than just circumstances or feeling like you are in a no light at the end of the tunnel situation. Remember that there is always someone else out there that has done more, with less, then think of Nick.

I do not believe in coincidences. I believe that I met him so that he could improve my life and hopefully in a small way by sharing his story, I could improve yours. I look forward to the day that I will undoubtedly share the stage with Nick Vujicic and we can share the story of our chance encounter and what a great day that will be. For more information about Nick Vujicic, go to his website. and look him up on Also feel free to visit

Monday, May 5, 2008

Introduction to "Raising You"

Alright kids after much deliberation, I have decided to post the introduction to the book I am writing. It is not Biographical although it may seem that way from the introduction. It is heavy and I hesitated posting it because it is only partially edited and very revealing. My biggest concern is that some of you may see me seeking pity as a motive. However there is no reason for pity. What you soon will read in my opinion has been the most valuable time of my life. I would change nothing. I have thanked and continue to thank the Lord for these experiances. I see them strictly as blessings and count myself fortunate for them. Furthermore I have suffered no negative side effects from this. With the exception of a dis-taste for insects ( you'll see what I mean). This fact, relative to many of the stories I have heard is a miracle. Which is yet another reason I have to be grateful. Thanks go to Katie Barnes for helping me with the Editing. If you see a grammatical error it's because I didn't let her scourer it yet. The name of the book is "Raising You" I'll explain the meaning of the title in a later post. I'm not afraid of any comments so don't be afraid to post them. Enjoy.

Raising You

Travis Alexander

My childhood unfortunately was very much like any child’s that had drug addict parents. My father was never around which left my siblings and I to the fate given by my mother. A good woman, with the intent at an early age to be a loving mom. A few poor decisions changed that. As she progressively got more involved in drugs she progressively got less capable of raising children. Most commonly was a beating for waking her up. It hurt but we got used to it. I learned how to turn so that when she hit me she would strike my back and arms, the pain was less there. If it was just that I think it would have been relatively manageable. It was not it however. You see when you are high on meth for a week when you eventually come down there is a lot of sleep to catch up on. When you sleep, for four days with a house full of kids, there isn’t any food cooked. We would eat what was there but before long what was edible would be eaten or rot and then what was rotten would be eaten too. I don’t remember much of this I can only think of one instance where I found a piece of moldy bread on the side of the fridge which represented the last thing we could eat. I remember being teased by canned food. Knowing full well what was in the can but not knowing how to use a can opener. I remember the filth admittedly caused by us kids that compounded on itself for weeks and months at a time. With that came thousands and thousands of roaches. My sisters and I found some amusement in the fact that an entire colony of albino roaches had broken out so that house looked like a bunch of moving salt and pepper crawling on everything. To this day I only have one phobia, roaches. There was nothing more disgusting to me than to wake up to feel roaches crawling on my body. The good news is that we finally lost that house. The bad news is our next option was to live in a camper shell in my Aunts back yard. We kept it next to the Garage where the washer and dryer were. The washer wasn’t hooked up to plumbing so the dirty water would drain into the back yard and stagnate there. We were there for more than a year four feet tall, five feet wide and six feet long, my mother, my three sisters and I. We didn’t have the convenience of bathing every day so we tended to stink. I didn’t mind going with out a bath that much really. I was a boy like most and didn’t have a problem being dirty. But I was scared of bathing because if I once got the bathroom floor wet and my mother accused of me of urinating on the floor and threw me half way through a wall.

School wasn’t much better, when your clothes are as dirty as the rest of you and you stink and have lice you don’t make a ton of friends. Sadly as you could imagine I was mocked for my appearance. Nothing too harsh, no where close to what was said at home. I will not give much detail on that as I feel it is inappropriate to state. I will say though I have never heard in any movie, on any street corner, or amongst the vilest of men any string of words so offensive and hateful, said with such disgust as was the words that my mother said to my sisters and I. I remember my mother emptying a revolver on the car my father was driving and my father subsequently taking an axe to my mother’s belongings and destroying them. I remember being on the other side of the front door when my father kicked it down. The police were called that time along with many others, but I knew what had to be said and knew they would leave us to more of the same. I remember the day I came to the conclusion there was a God. I was 6. I screamed as loud as I could all day long for my near by grand mother to get me and take me for the weekend. I screamed so long and loud that I actually woke up my comatose mother long enough to beat me for waking her up. When she went back to bed I went back to screaming to God. Sure enough that evening she came and picked me up, while my mother slept. I could go on and tell you more of mine and worse stories of my siblings but I think enough has been said. I will say that this is nothing, nothing at all compared to the whole of it. This continued until I was ten, when I ran away and I never came back.
During this time I could think of two fond memories of my childhood. The first was Sesame street. My Sisters and I watched it everyday and it took our minds to Sesame street where kids were happy and learning. It took our minds away from Allwood Dr. where we got the Hell beat out of us.
The other was visiting the home of my Great-Grandfather Vic. My Mother didn’t have very much family and even less that she got along with, but she adored my Grandfather. He only lived about an hour away from our family in southern California, but it was rare that she was in any condition that she’d let Vic see her in. About twice a year my Mother would fix herself and us up enough for a visit with my Grandfather. For the most part our visits would be stereotypical. He’d take us out for pizza, to walk his dogs, play checkers and with other toys he kept for us, and taught me how to write the alphabet. However there was one thing that was out of the ordinary about our visits. Every time before my Mother, siblings and I would leave I would go to hug my Grandfather goodbye. Without exception before I received my coveted hug the cheery casual countenance of my Grandfather would change to something very serious. He would then grab me by my shoulders and shake me, then would follow those words, those words that alter every aspect of my life, “Travis, you need to know that you are special, that there is not anything that you can’t do. There is something great inside you. You’re special Travis, don’t you ever forget it.” That was quickly followed by a rigid hug that would squeeze the breath out of me.
Now there is an easy explanation for why my life has been in my opinion, amazing. It is the same reason I have had success financially and otherwise. It is the same reason I feel that every facet of my life has been blessed and continues to be more and more everyday. The reason is that the words my Grandfather said were spoken with such conviction that I believed him. You see what I wasn’t aware of then, that I have since figured out was my Grandfather was savvy to the way Mother was raising her children. She would often make remarks while coming down from drugs about how miserable we all were, that we ruined her life, that we were worthless. Although those words hurt very deeply as you could imagine; every time she would scream those words I would hear his words instead, every time I would feel her fist sink into my back, I could feel my Grandfather’s hands on my shoulders, and I knew she couldn’t reach what was great inside of me. And again I’d hear the words “You’re special Travis, don’t ever forget it.” Then in my mind I would think, “This woman has no idea what she is talking about, she doesn’t know that I am special.” No matter how loud she’d yell those colorful words, she could never top the conviction of my Great-Grandfather Vic. Since then I have come to realize two things. First my Great-Grandfather was right, I am special. I took his advice; I never forgot it and I never will. Second I have learned I am no better than anyone else. So as you read this book I hope that you will let these pages grab you by the shoulders and shake you and tell you that you are special. That there is something great inside you. I pray that you will allow the words you read stare deep into your eyes and instill into you that there isn’t anything that you can not do. My desire is that this book will do for you what Grandpa Vic did for me. Help me believe what is already true. That you are special.